It can happen with a split second decision or it can be a slow fade over months.
Betrayal, in my opinion, is the worst kind of pain you can bring to a marriage. I didn’t realize how much damage it can actually cause until I betrayed my husband.
In the summer of 2017 I cheated on Aaron. I’d like to tell you that it was a one time lapse in judgement and that Aaron and I recovered quickly. But that would far from the truth. We are three years through the storm now and we are still rebuilding our marriage. With time, and ultimately by the grace of God, our marriage is now becoming healthier than it has ever been.
It was not just an overnight change and suddenly we had a healthy marriage. We have worked very hard to get to the place we are in now. Many tears have been shed over the past three years. Many visits to our pastor and counselor. I had to learn what true honesty looks like (still a struggle sometimes!) within the walls of marriage. More arguments than I’d like to remember. Countless “I’m Sorry’s”. I even moved out for a month because I didn’t feel like we were getting anywhere.
For a long time I had the mindset that because I made the mess I needed to clean it up. Just like you teach a child. It took me years to realize that isn’t how marriages work. A healthy marriage is not you vs. your spouse. It is, in a sense, you AND your spouse vs. everyone else. You are a team and a thriving marriage is impossible to have if you don’t work as one.
Sometimes I think about if I could change the past. Honestly though, I don’t know if I would.
Through all of the pain and heartache that it has caused both Aaron and I, as well as our friends and family who have walked through it with us, I know that we would not be the couple that we are today if we had not faced this storm.