I’ve been pretty quiet around here lately.
This is supposed to be my safe space to be as vulnerable as I want. That’s an easier task with situations I have already lived and shared in real life. It is not as simple when the thoughts running through my head I haven’t shared with anyone before.
Aaron doesn’t understand mental health well and because of that, he struggles to empathize with me when I am having a rough day. So I keep the feelings locked up and try to heal on my own. As someone who has never had great coping skills, I can recognize that this isn’t healthy.
My sweet niece has been writing me “open when” letters for when we are apart. She has no idea that they are what I have needed lately.
She has no idea the dark parts of my marriage and my life this far. To my knowledge, all she sees is how happy I am when I am with her. But, there was no way that what she wrote in the letter I read tonight was by chance. I truly believe that God placed Hannah in my life and in my sisters home for a specific reason. She needed a family to show her love, but we (me in this situation) needed her just as much.
I don’t think we give God enough credit when it comes to “coincidences”. I often don’t think about the fact that my whole life has already been planned out and spoken into existence. He already knows the choices I will make next week and the mistakes I will make next year. So when things happen that we aren’t expecting and we chalk them up to coincidence, it truly isn’t that at all. It was just another part of our stories being revealed to us by The One who created them.
Basically, I am just trying to say that it was not by “chance” that the specific letter I chose to read tonight was E X A C T L Y what I needed to hear at this point in my life. My 12 year old niece didn’t know, but God guided her hands to write the words she needed to encourage me in her own way. It is also not a “coincidence” that my love language is Words of Affirmation and she is constantly writing me sweet letters about her love for me. I have never once told her how much I love hand written letters. God works in mysterious ways, yet also in the exact way that we need.